Friday June 11, 2004

Its friday night at 11:57 and as of now I know these things to be true......
1) My parents were up later tonight than they have been in years - 11:45 P.M.!!!!
2) The past week and a half or so have been some of the best of my life
3) I don't like it when my good friends are upset
4) I am going to Disney in exactly three weeks from today :)
5) I hope to be loved and missed like Julia Roberts character in Mona Lisa Smila
6) My back could not be hurting worse

Yesterday my friend Brant and I went and played tennis like the old days. I have not played since high school, and back then I used to have the worst back pains, but could never figure out why. Well my scientific studies have come to an end..... Tennis is causing it. I did not go to sleep til 4:30 last night because the pain was tingling from my lower back down to all my toes. I tried everything to make it feel better, trying to stretch it out by rolling on the ground, taking 5 tylenol, using a heat pad... but nothing helped. This morning Momma, Lilly and I had planned on going garage saling. My mom came in and woke me up at 7:30 and I told her about my back. She got me some more tylenol and be Dr. Mom. Then we left to go find some hidden treasures that others considered trash. Well, we were on the same page as everyone in Arlington..... everything we found was TRASH!!! There was not a single thing worth buying, let alone trying to haggle someone down on. We went to four and decided that it was pointless, so we came home. I slept til about 11:30 since last night I did not sleep well. We ate a quick lunch (left over latkas, mmmmm!!!!!) and then Momma, Lily and I went to target for some stupid random crap. When we got home, we loaded up and headed over to Susie's to swim and eat dinner and see them. They were babysitting Zion so Maria had her hands full and with the two dogs it was crazy. Lindsay came over and ate with us and then hung out for a while too. I felt bad, because usually I can tell if she is having a good time or not, and tonight I did not get that feeling. Its probably because I was not enjoying it like I normally do..... I love Susie and Maria to death, but they need to work on some things. Their dogs are crazy and have no knowledge of what is right or wrong, Maria is soo damn demanding and controlling I would compare her with Terry.

I have a very diverse family, not number wise, but personality wise. On my mom's side I have one aunt who is almost 50 with a husband who has two grown kids. She makes a killing in the business she has, yet fails to save a single penny, what happens when something bad happens?!? Another aunt who is an alcoholic and a drunk addict who was two biological kids (neither of which are in her custody anymore) and God knows how many abortions, probably somewhere near the number of husbands she has had. Another aunt who is gay, but one of my favorite people in the world. Her partner grew up very proper and she has her moments that just get to me. My grandmother on my mom's side is nuts. She supports her 40 year old daughter totally and does not help any of the other daughters. She does not think before she talks about certain things that hurt many of us, and then does not care when it does. My grandfather on my mom's side was killed by an idiot who stole his suburban and he chased them down. The guy ran over my grandfather before I got a chance to actually meet him. On my dad's side I have an aunt who I have not seen in probably 4 years. She lives in Dallas now and makes good money, but we believe the guy that she is dating is gay :-/ Her son is going to be 22 this year and I have not seen him since his 18th birthday, which was celebrated at my house on Archbishop Ct. My grandmother on that side is very controlling and a know-it-all™. She is very nice, but very direct and bossy. Her husband is very nice also, but between the two of them, something does not click. My grandfather on that side could be the nicest man in the world. He is a retired NY Fire fighter who fell through 3 floors of a burning building and hurt himself, and a retired WWII vet. He and his wife go ona cruise a month, that side of their life is the relaxing one that I want. The other side is very slow and unhealthy. She is 84 and very handicapped and he is blind in one eye and has very poor sight in the other one.

On a good note my immediate family could be the best in the world. I could not ask nor dream of a better mom or dad. I hope and pray that I meet a girl who is a sweet and caring as my mom is. I aspire to be as good of a man as my dad has been and continues to be. Yesterday we had a home study done on our family to make Lilly's adoption final. The lady finally wanted to ask me some questions. They ranged from did your parents every mollest you or anyone you know to why do I think my parents should get Lilly. I don't like being put on the spot. I like to think through my answers and responses to make sure that it is really what I want to say before I actually say it. Well, she was running late and I was hungry so my answers were very unprepared. She wanted me to tell her how wonderful my parents and family are in as few words as I could get away with. I could write a damn book on our lifes together, what made it good, what made it bad.

As I approach a new era in my life I aspire for a few very important things. I want to become rich, and rich does not mean that I make 4,000,000 bucks a year. Rich means that I have a loving and caring family who is God fearing and respectable. I want to marry to woman of my dreams and make her the queen of my castle. I am going to do well in school and make the best of the time that I have. I am going to save as much money as possible. At 19 I don't need the nicest things in the world. I would rather drive the car I have and live at home and be able to take Lindsay to the beach when she gets a few days off from the Army in order to show her that she is very important to me and that I care dearly for her. Be able to take Lindsey to anywhere she wants to in order to show her how much she means to me and to thank her for always being there for me. Those are the things that are important to me, other than that, you can have your damn money and fame, I don't want it. I want a nice life that when people look back upon it, they can say "Wow, Daniel was an amazing person, he always did what he could and what he felt was right."

I realize that my dad is going to be 48 this year and my mom is going to be 43 and they are very young. However, I have already started to brace myself for when they are no longer here. That may sound like a sick thought, but what I say about them as they go on, is what I want people to say about me. My mom is the most important person in the world to me and I cannot imagine what life will be like w/o her, but I cherrish the memories I already have and will have of her. The old Lindsay used to ask me what I was going to do when my mom died. I never really had an answser, I would just say I don't want to talk about it, its too upsetting. But as I look back on it, a very popular proverb that says a boy wants to marry a woman like his mother and a daughter wants to marry someone like her daddy comes to mind. I want a woman like my mom that will know how hard it is for me for her to be gone, and my wife will be there to try to fill teh void that is left behind.

That is all for now, I don't like where this is going, but in the book I'm reading, it says to not go back and erase what you wrote because your writings are your feelings expressed in words. And obviously I am having these feelings for a reason, so I will share them with those who care to know what I am feeling.

Daniel.