"I did a bad bad thing"

So tonight at about 10 i realized that i could not sit at home again. For the past couple of weeks i have not had the urge to go out and do something at night. I have a problem (well I dont think it is a problem) that when I meet a new friend (especially a girl) all I want to do is talk to them. Well that is an over statement, but me being the melancholy person I am, think about others before myself. Well when I start thinking I think about what others are doing. I could not spend the night tonight doing that, so I went out. I went to a friends house, who just happened to have two kegs and two bottles of Rum. In the past few weeks, its not that i quit drinking, but i just did not put my self in the situation to where i could. I told them that I would have one beer, and then just hang out for a while. Well that one beer turned into quite a few along with some shots. Needless to say, I was under the influence for a while. I HATE that. I do not like it when I drink, and I do not like who I am when I drink. I would not go as far as to say that I have a problem with drinking, bc if I really wanted to quit i know i could, but right now i dont want to drink, but i still do. I need to get out of College Station where it is so prevelant.

Before I went to that friends house, i went to another one's, who was having a BBQ. I had forgotten that he had invited me, and when i called him tonight he was wondering where i was. I got there and realized that i had just eaton, but it smelled so good that i had to have a lil bit of sausage. I HATE that too. Food has more power with me than alcohol does. Even if i am not hungry, i will eat if it smells good or food is around me. That caused me to gain alot of weight back in the day, and i worked really hard to lose it. Last Christmas i weighed the least amount i had weighed in years, but when Lindsay and i went our seperate ways, i gained it back. Now that I joined a gym, I am tyring to run and work out as much as possible. Tonight after I got done running, i went to my friends house, and I was really not hungry, and i had told myself that I was not hungry, and that I was working out to loose weight. Well when i got there i had some sausage, which was not bad, but when i got to the other house, i had some pizza. The pizza was soo not good for me, and i knew it, but i could not help myself.

After i left the second house, i went up to northgate to meet my friend landon. When i got there i saw him and about 8 other guys surrounding 3 girls, who were not even that good looking anyways. I found this to me hilarious. 9 guys and 3 girls, good odds for the girls huh? Im not sure why i put that in there, but it was just something that i found interesting and i have noticed alot with guys and girls. Why can't it ever be 3 guys and 9 hot girls? now that would be good odds for us right!

I have been thinking about the Peters family alot lately. Moving back to Arlington reminds me of the times that i spent with that family, and how much i miss them. Mrs. Peters was like a mom to me, when my mom was in Tyler. Mr. Peters bought me dinner and took me to play golf quite a few times. Katy was like the little sister i never had. I always wanted a little sister that i could protect and she fit the part perfectly. The only problem that I have is that Lindsay and I do not talk anymore, and I dont want to start a problem between her family and her over something so insignificant as me. I really do miss her and i wish we could be friends again, but im not sure if the opportunity arrouse, that I would do it again. We had quite a lot of good times, and she was the first girl that I ever really loved, besides my mom. But she broke my heart and it is hard to forgive something like that. I would really just like to see her and to know what she is feeling.

Tonight im going to sleep alone, and i dont want that to come off wrong. I dont want to "sleep" with anyone, well not till i get married anyway. But i like it when ppl spend the night, and we cuddle. That is one of my most favorite things in the world, nothing has to happen as long as we lay there next to each other in total harmony.

I leave you with that tonight, I am watching Blow and im tired.

send me an email if you would like too, Liebs911@yahoo.com