Emily and her boyfriend broke up

Disney... 10 Days

I NEED A BREAK!!!!

Days til Disney - 11

I am still living with your ghost
Lonely and dreaming of the west coast
I dont want to be your downtime
I dont want to be your stupid game

With my big black boots and an old suitcase
I do believe Ill find myself a new place
I dont want to be the bad guy
I dont want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to see some palm trees
Go and try and shake away this disease

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die

I am still dreaming of your face
Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away

I dont want to be your good time
I dont want to be your fall-back crutch anymore

Ill walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and rising in my own weird way
I dont want to be the bad guy

I dont want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to feel some sunshine
I just want to find some place to be alone

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die

Hmmm

so, since Daniel is currently not writing in his blog I decided to help him out and do it myself. He is in college station with his parents. I (Lindsey) am watching the house for them. He made a mistake of leaving his computer here....hahah
Well I am sure he is having the time of his life right now. I am about to watch a movie with the dogs....I love abby and molly.
my mom thinks abby looks like a polar bear....
Lindsey

My new view on life

Don't make someone your priority and allow you to be their option.

"I Choose to suffer for those I care; I will sacrifice myself as long as you are there"
- Amy Kleer

Dreams are the eraser dust I blow off my page,
They fade into the emptiness, another dark gray day.
Dreams are only memories of the plans I had back then,
Dreams are eraser dust and now I use pen.

"My life has a wonderful cast, I just can't figure out the plot"
- Matt Crompton

The earth turned to bring us closer it turned on itself and us until it finally brought us together in this dream

So quiet
another wasted night,
the television steals the conversation
exhale,
another wasted breath,
again it goes unnoticed.

Please tell me you're just feeling tired
cause if it's more than that I feel that I might break
out of touch, out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed
cause I can't read your rolling eyes
out of touch, are we out of time?

Close lipped
another goodnight kiss
is robbed of all it's passion,
your grip
another time, is slack
it leaves me feeling empty.

I'll wait until tomorrow
maybe you'll feel better then
maybe we'll be better then
so what's another day
when I can't bear these nights of thoughts
of going on without you
this mood of yours is temporary
it seems worth the wait
to see your smile again
out of the corner of your eye
won't be the only way you'll look at me then.

Tuesday June 15, 2004

Today was a good day. I got up and worked for 5 hours and ran some errands for my dad. Momma, Lilly and I went to Costco and then we ate dinner. It was a nice quaint day, yet it was very fulfilling. Tonight I played poker and we did not play at my house (Finally!!). I enjoyed myself very much. I came home at 11, not because I am tired or because I have something very important to do, but just because I can. I don't like to be up and out til 5 in the morning eveynight, because then I want to sleep half the day the next day. When I sleep late nothing gets done and I feel very unproductive. And for the most part, whatever it is I do til that late really was not worth it in the long run. There are a few exceptions to that, but for the most part, it stands.

I miss some people today. I have not talked to Danielle in about a week and a half, I have not talked to Emily since we went to the movies a few weeks ago, I have not talked to Grant until this evening in a few days. I got invited to go to float the river in Austin this weekend. They are leaving Thursday and coming back Saturday. I would have gone, but my funds are limited and I think I am going to Houston next weekend, but I'm not sure about that :-/

It is a very hard realization to come to when you have 80 bucks of spending money for two weeks and father's day one of those 14 (15 til I get paid again). I want to get my dad something good and nice, but I just don't have the money. Maybe I will take him to go play golf up at Waterchase and get Brant's discount.

This fall is going to be good and bad for me. The good first because the way I see it is if your emotions are going to fluctuate from drastic ends, you might as well had be happy for a minute rather than sad for that same minute.
The Good: I will be working full time making good money and learning how to run a business. I will be learning from one of the best business men around. Just because we don't live in a huge house or drive really really nice cars does not mean that he does not make good money. Part of the responsibility of runnning a business is saving, and that could be one of his best aspects. Also, I will be back in school. I am going to make great grades this fall semester and get my head back into the right place. I am going to be ther for my sister as she gets older and becomes a little girl rather than a baby. I am going to have to meet new people since everyone else I know will be either going off to school again or have other plans. I think that off the top of my head I can name two people who will be here in the fall that I have hung out with this summer.
The Bad: I will be friend lacking for a while. I will have Lindsey, but she is looking for more, as am I. I want her to be happy and if that means that she has to spend alot of time with that someone else (I will not mention his name) then I want her to, she needs to look out for Lindsey now and not me. I will not have a life this fall. I am going to be working 60+ hours and going to school. The weekends will be mine to enjoy, that is if I am still alive by the time Saturday morning comes around. I will have a few things to look forward to, some really good concerts, starting my life, Lindsasy and I going to the beach, Lindsey and I going wherever she wants to, etc. I will still be living at home, which is good because I don't have to pay rent, but it would be nice to live on my own again.

Wow, the good actually is not outweighed by the bad. Well at least length wise its not. Content could be viewed either way. There are positives and negatives for both.

I am going to go lay down in my room and watch some TV for a lil while....
Daniel

...If I built you a city, would you let me or would you tear it down?...

...everyone has a past, what I want to know is can I be apart of your future?....

...Why would you wanna marry me anyhow? So I can kiss you whenever I want....

...I'm missing you, and this is me kissing you XOXO....

cali

is anyone willing to be responsible and take Cali as their own? Don't bullshit with me either. My brother said he would take care of her, but that has not lasted. She has been scratching herself for weeks now and needs to have gone to the vet a while ago. The hair on her stomach is falling out and we are paying for her to go to the vet now. She is going to be OK, but I want to know that someone will love her like I do and will take care of her.

Friday June 11, 2004

Its friday night at 11:57 and as of now I know these things to be true......
1) My parents were up later tonight than they have been in years - 11:45 P.M.!!!!
2) The past week and a half or so have been some of the best of my life
3) I don't like it when my good friends are upset
4) I am going to Disney in exactly three weeks from today :)
5) I hope to be loved and missed like Julia Roberts character in Mona Lisa Smila
6) My back could not be hurting worse

Yesterday my friend Brant and I went and played tennis like the old days. I have not played since high school, and back then I used to have the worst back pains, but could never figure out why. Well my scientific studies have come to an end..... Tennis is causing it. I did not go to sleep til 4:30 last night because the pain was tingling from my lower back down to all my toes. I tried everything to make it feel better, trying to stretch it out by rolling on the ground, taking 5 tylenol, using a heat pad... but nothing helped. This morning Momma, Lilly and I had planned on going garage saling. My mom came in and woke me up at 7:30 and I told her about my back. She got me some more tylenol and be Dr. Mom. Then we left to go find some hidden treasures that others considered trash. Well, we were on the same page as everyone in Arlington..... everything we found was TRASH!!! There was not a single thing worth buying, let alone trying to haggle someone down on. We went to four and decided that it was pointless, so we came home. I slept til about 11:30 since last night I did not sleep well. We ate a quick lunch (left over latkas, mmmmm!!!!!) and then Momma, Lily and I went to target for some stupid random crap. When we got home, we loaded up and headed over to Susie's to swim and eat dinner and see them. They were babysitting Zion so Maria had her hands full and with the two dogs it was crazy. Lindsay came over and ate with us and then hung out for a while too. I felt bad, because usually I can tell if she is having a good time or not, and tonight I did not get that feeling. Its probably because I was not enjoying it like I normally do..... I love Susie and Maria to death, but they need to work on some things. Their dogs are crazy and have no knowledge of what is right or wrong, Maria is soo damn demanding and controlling I would compare her with Terry.

I have a very diverse family, not number wise, but personality wise. On my mom's side I have one aunt who is almost 50 with a husband who has two grown kids. She makes a killing in the business she has, yet fails to save a single penny, what happens when something bad happens?!? Another aunt who is an alcoholic and a drunk addict who was two biological kids (neither of which are in her custody anymore) and God knows how many abortions, probably somewhere near the number of husbands she has had. Another aunt who is gay, but one of my favorite people in the world. Her partner grew up very proper and she has her moments that just get to me. My grandmother on my mom's side is nuts. She supports her 40 year old daughter totally and does not help any of the other daughters. She does not think before she talks about certain things that hurt many of us, and then does not care when it does. My grandfather on my mom's side was killed by an idiot who stole his suburban and he chased them down. The guy ran over my grandfather before I got a chance to actually meet him. On my dad's side I have an aunt who I have not seen in probably 4 years. She lives in Dallas now and makes good money, but we believe the guy that she is dating is gay :-/ Her son is going to be 22 this year and I have not seen him since his 18th birthday, which was celebrated at my house on Archbishop Ct. My grandmother on that side is very controlling and a know-it-all™. She is very nice, but very direct and bossy. Her husband is very nice also, but between the two of them, something does not click. My grandfather on that side could be the nicest man in the world. He is a retired NY Fire fighter who fell through 3 floors of a burning building and hurt himself, and a retired WWII vet. He and his wife go ona cruise a month, that side of their life is the relaxing one that I want. The other side is very slow and unhealthy. She is 84 and very handicapped and he is blind in one eye and has very poor sight in the other one.

On a good note my immediate family could be the best in the world. I could not ask nor dream of a better mom or dad. I hope and pray that I meet a girl who is a sweet and caring as my mom is. I aspire to be as good of a man as my dad has been and continues to be. Yesterday we had a home study done on our family to make Lilly's adoption final. The lady finally wanted to ask me some questions. They ranged from did your parents every mollest you or anyone you know to why do I think my parents should get Lilly. I don't like being put on the spot. I like to think through my answers and responses to make sure that it is really what I want to say before I actually say it. Well, she was running late and I was hungry so my answers were very unprepared. She wanted me to tell her how wonderful my parents and family are in as few words as I could get away with. I could write a damn book on our lifes together, what made it good, what made it bad.

As I approach a new era in my life I aspire for a few very important things. I want to become rich, and rich does not mean that I make 4,000,000 bucks a year. Rich means that I have a loving and caring family who is God fearing and respectable. I want to marry to woman of my dreams and make her the queen of my castle. I am going to do well in school and make the best of the time that I have. I am going to save as much money as possible. At 19 I don't need the nicest things in the world. I would rather drive the car I have and live at home and be able to take Lindsay to the beach when she gets a few days off from the Army in order to show her that she is very important to me and that I care dearly for her. Be able to take Lindsey to anywhere she wants to in order to show her how much she means to me and to thank her for always being there for me. Those are the things that are important to me, other than that, you can have your damn money and fame, I don't want it. I want a nice life that when people look back upon it, they can say "Wow, Daniel was an amazing person, he always did what he could and what he felt was right."

I realize that my dad is going to be 48 this year and my mom is going to be 43 and they are very young. However, I have already started to brace myself for when they are no longer here. That may sound like a sick thought, but what I say about them as they go on, is what I want people to say about me. My mom is the most important person in the world to me and I cannot imagine what life will be like w/o her, but I cherrish the memories I already have and will have of her. The old Lindsay used to ask me what I was going to do when my mom died. I never really had an answser, I would just say I don't want to talk about it, its too upsetting. But as I look back on it, a very popular proverb that says a boy wants to marry a woman like his mother and a daughter wants to marry someone like her daddy comes to mind. I want a woman like my mom that will know how hard it is for me for her to be gone, and my wife will be there to try to fill teh void that is left behind.

That is all for now, I don't like where this is going, but in the book I'm reading, it says to not go back and erase what you wrote because your writings are your feelings expressed in words. And obviously I am having these feelings for a reason, so I will share them with those who care to know what I am feeling.

Daniel.

On Writing

.... And this isn't high school. Now that you're not worried that (a) you're skirt is too short or too long and the other kids will laugh at you, (b) you're not going to make the varsity swim team, (c) you're still going to be a pimple-studded virgin when you graduate (probably when you die, for that matter), (d) the physics teacher won't grade the final on a curve, or (e) nobody really likes you anyway AND THEY NEVER DID... now that all that extraneous shit is out of the way, your can study certain academic matters with a degree of concentration you could never manage while attending the local textbook loonybin. And once you start, you'll find you know almost all of the stuff anyway-it is, as I said, mostly a matter of cleaning the rust off the drillbits and sharpening the blade of your saw.......

That may not mean anything to any of you, but I guess you would have to have read the preface to all of that. As I came along that paragraph in the book I'm reading (On Writing by Stephen King) it hit me very hard. The book is half his memoirs and half a writing guide. He makes it seem so easy, yet writing something that is compelling and interesting is very difficult. His ideals and suggestions on how to write well are very profoundly easy, however :-/ I started this book my first semester in college and put it down because I got caught up in other things. I am going to finish this book and start to write. I have no idea what about, or how long the writing(s) will be, but damnit they will be there. I am going to stop writing on here (if you can call what I ramble on about on here writing) until I have a better understanding of what I should be doing. I need to make my statements more clear and quit worrying about the audience, if they don't like it, don't read it, but the writings will be original and mine.

I leave you with another passage from the book.... This will appear again once my writing have begun as a preamble to the new writings of Daniel Gottlieb.

"I'm not asking you to come reverently or unquestioningly; I'm not asking you to be politically correct or cast aside your sense of humor (please God you have one). This isn't a popularity contest, it's not the Moral Olympics, and it's not church. But it's writing, damn it, not washing the car or putting on eyeliner. If you can take it seriously, we can do business. If you can't or won't, it's time for you to close the book and do something else.
Was the car, maybe."

Sail Away

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything I held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times I've tasted love
Never knew quite what I had
Little Darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

I've been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Last Night

Last Night was awesome. I planned on it being very slow and boring, but at 1230 my trip to meet Lindsay til 4 was so unexpected and so awesome........

My new plan is to hint at things but not tell the whole story because if I tell the whole story, there is nothing to talk about to the ones who read this. I am going to open the door for something to talk about still.

I may never march in the infantry;
Ride in the Calvary;
Shoot the artillery;
I may never zoom over the enemy,
But im in the Lords Army.

Internet

Wow so my cable has been out for two days which means that my internet is out also, life sucks with out tv and internet. O well, i got two new drivers and got to play golf today with dad. I get to start working for him tom since I will be able to use the internet again.

Daniel