Schism

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
mildewed and smoldering, fundamental differing,
pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
the light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
we cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
no fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication.

The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.

There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I've done the the math enough to know the dangers of a second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication.

cold, cold, cold,
Cold silence has
a tendency to
atrophy any
sense of compassion.

between supposed lovers
between supposed brothers.

I know the pieces fit.

Update - sorry for the absence

Pat Tillman, the recent Army Ranger and former NFL player who was killed in Afghanistan, said in Sports Illustrated "Dude, I'm proud of the things I've done, my schoolwork - because I'm not smart, I just worked hard - and this award. But it doesn't do me any good to be proud. It's better to just force myself to be naive about things, because otherwise I'll start being happy with myself, and then I'll stand still, and then I'm old news."

Last day at Double Dave's is next wednesday. I work tom night from 5-close, monday 9-2 5-8, tues 8-1 5-9, and wed 9-5 then....... DONE!!! Im stopping in Waco to say hi to Katie and Carrie (and Ashley if she does not still hate me :-/). Im gonna bring them some peproni rolls. Then Arlington bound. I stated to move some of my furniture into my garage tonight since im leaving most of it here til i get my apartment. My stuff is effing heavy, heh. I have too much stuff, if you want something, chances are I have one and dont need it, just ask. Next thursday I'm unloading an 18 wheeler full of cookie dough for my dad (no fun, you can help if you wanna :)), Friday hopefully playing golf with my dad, Sat heading down to CS to get what I am bringing home and then Sunday start my new life.

I don't want to be a copy cat, but recently alot of my focus has been towards the armed services. I saw one of my old friends Ryan the other night, he is in the Air Force and going to Iraq next week. Lindsay signed and is starting her career there. This Pat Tillman story has gotten me thinking also. If by anychance you get or can get Sports Illustrated, read the story about him in the May 3, 2004 issue.... AMAZING!!

Saturday there is a going away party for me at my house, we are gonna BBQ and just reminisce all day. If you are in town or want to your are more than welcome to stop by.

Daniel

so

So its monday and Im not feeling so good. Im laying in bed trying to sleep, and my phone rings. Its someone from work, and I can only assume that he wants me to work for him tonight. Well my days of picking up shifts are over, since when I need help, everyone tucks their tails and runs. It would have been no big deal but he called me once, and I ignored the call, and then immediately afterwards, he calls me again. If I did not answer the first time, why would I answer 2 seconds later? Just leave me a message and when I feel like, I will call you back. BUT, it did not stop there. It got to the 6th call in a row, and he finally left me a message. I checked it and it was just him sitting there, he did not say anything. I was pissed, so I shut off my phone, and missed two really important calls that I needed to get, but I was annoyed with the phone ringing every 3 seconds.

My last day at work will be next wednesday!!! im sooo excited. Arlington, HERE I COME!

Wyclef Jean - If I Were President

If I was President
I'd get elected on Friday,
Assassinated on Saturday,
And buried on Sunday
If I was President.
If I was President....

An Old man told me
Instead of spending Billions on the war,
We could use some of that money in the Ghetto.

I know some so poor
When it rains that's when they shower,
Screamin fight the power
That's when the vulture devoured.

If I was President
I'd get elected on Friday,
Assassinated on Saturday,
And buried on Sunday
If I was President.
If I was President....

The Radio won't play this
They call it rebel music.
How can you refuse it Children of Moses?

If I was President
I'd get elected on Friday,
Assassinated on Saturday,
And buried on Sunday
If I was President.
If I was President....

Tell the children the truth, the truth
Christopher Columbus didn't discover America.
Tell them the truth, the truth, yeah.
Tell them about Mahatma Gandhi.
Tell them the truth, yeah the truth
Tell them about Martin Luther King.
Tell them the truth, the truth
Tell them about JFK.

If I was President
I'd get elected on Friday,
Assassinated on Saturday,
And buried on Sunday
If I was President.
If I was President....

J. Ivy

We are all here for a reason on a particular path
You don't need a curriculum to know that you are part of the math
Cats think I'm delirious, but I'm so damn serious
That's why I expose my soul to the globe, the world
I'm trying to make it better for these little boys and girls
I'm not just another individual, my spirit is a part of this
That's why I get spiritual, but I get my hymns from Him
So it's not me, it's He that's lyrical
I'm not a miracle, I'm a heaven-sent instrument
My rhythmatic regimen navigates melodic notes for your soul and your mental
That's why I'm instrumental
Vibrations is what I'm into
Yeah, I need my loot by rent day
But that is not what gives me the heart of Kunte Kinte
I'm tryina give us "us free" like Cinque
I can't stop, that's why I'm hot
Determination, dedication, motivation
I'm talking to you, my many inspirations
When I say I can't, let yourself down
If I were of the highest cliff, on the highest riff
And you slipped down the side and clinched on to your life in my grip
I would never, ever let you down
And when these words are found
Let it been known that God's penmanship has been signed with a language called love
That's why my breath is felt by the deaf
And why my words are heard and confined to the ears of the blind
I, too, dream in color and in rhyme
So I guess I'm one of a kind in a full house
Cuz whenever I open my heart, my soul, or my mouth
A touch of God reigns out

Ben Harper - Waiting on an Angel

Waiting on an angel
one to carry me home
hope you come to see me soon
cause I don't want to go alone
I don't want to go alone

Now angel won't you come by me
angel hear my plea
take my hand lift me up
so that I can fly with thee
so that I can fly with thee

And I'm waiting on an angel
and I know it won't be long
to find myself a resting place
in my angel's arms
in my angel's arms

So speak kind to a stranger
cause you'll never know
it just might be an angel come
knockin' at your door
knockin' at your door

And I'm waiting on an angel
and I know it won't be long
to find myself a resting place
in my angel's arms
in my angel's arms

Waiting on an angel
one to carry me home
hope you come to see me soon
cause I don't want to go alone
I don't want to go alone
don't want to go
I don't want to go alone

Ben Harper - Forever

Not talkin' 'bout a year
no not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever
in my life anymore
forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you

People spend so much time
every single day
runnin' 'round all over town
givin' their forever away
but no not me
I won't let my forever roam
and now I hope I can find
my forever a home
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you

Like a handless clock with numbers
an infinite of time
no not the forever found
only in the mind
forever always seems
to be around when things begin
but forever never seems
to be around when things end
so give me your forever
please your forever
not a day less will do
from you

This one made me cry

I went to a party, Mom, I remembered what you said
You told me not to drink and drive, Mom, So i drank sprite instead
I felt really proud inside, Mom, The way you said I would
I didn't drink and drive, Mom, Even though the others said i should
I know i did the right thing, Mom I know you are always right
Now the party is finally ending, Mom, As everyone drives out of sight
As i got into my car, Mom, I knew i would get home in one piece
Because of the way you raised me, Mom, So responsible and sweet
I started to drive away, Mom, But as I pulled onto the road
The other car didn't see me, Mom, And it hit me like a load
As I lie here on the pavement, Mom, I hear the police say
The other guy was drunk, Mom, And now I'm the one who will pay
I'm laying here dying, Mom, I wish you would get here soon
How come this happened to me, Mom? My life bursted like a ballon
There is blood all around me, Mom, Most of it is mine
I here the paramedics say, Mom, I'll be dead in a short time
I just wanted to tell you, Mom, I swear i didn't drink
It was the others, Mom, The others didn't think
He didn't know where he was going, Mom, He was probably at the same party as I
The only difference is, Mom, He drank and I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom? It can ruin my whole life
I'm feeling sharp pains now, Mom, Pains just like a knife
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom, I don't think it's fair
I'm lying here dying, Mom, While all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mom, Tell daddy to be brave.
And when I get to heaven, Mom, Write Momma's Lil boy on my grave
Someone should have told him, Mom, Not to drink and drive
If only they have taken the time, Mom I would still be alive
My breath is getting shorter, Mom, I'm becoming very scared
Please don't cry for me, Mom Because when i needed you, you were always there
I have one last question, Mom, before i say good-bye
I didnt ever drink, Mom So why am I due to die?
This is the end, Mom, I wish I could look you in the eyes
To say these final words, Mom, I love you, and Good-bye.

Just some thoughts others had that I share

"If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't, it never was."
- DMX

"Dreams are the eraser dust I blow off my page.
They fade into the emptiness, another dark gray day.
Dreams are only memories of the plans I had back then.
Dreams are eraser dust and now I use a pen."
- Unknown

"All my hope is everyday
that you will love me this I pray
But as the each day passes
and the end draws near
What I wish for the most
becomes my greatest fear."
- Beth Rogers

"I don't care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice when I'm not around."
- Radiohead - Creep
"When you were here before Couldn't look you in the eye You're just like an angel Your skin makes me cry You float like a feather In a beautiful world You're so very special I wish i was special but I'm a creep I'm a wierdo What the hell am I doin' here? I don't belong here I don't care if it hurts I wanna have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul I want you to notice When i'm not around You're so very special I wish I was special."
- Radiohead - Creep

"If you love someone tell them, because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken."
- Unknown

"In the event of my Demise
when my heart can beat no more
I Hope I Die For A Principle
or A Belief that I had Lived 4
I will die Before My Time
Because I feel the shadow`s Depth
so much I wanted 2 accomplish
before I reached my Death
I have come 2 grips with the possibility
and wiped the last tear from My eyes
I Loved All who were Positive
In the event of my Demise"
- 2Pac - In the event of my demise

"My life has a wonderful cast, I just can't figure out the plot."
- Matt Crompton - Poet 19th century

"I walked into an empty church, I had no place else to go
When the sweetest voice I ever heard whispered to my soul
I don't need to be forgiven for loving you so much
It's written in the scriptures, it's written there in blood
I even heard the angels declare it from above -
That there ain't no cure for love."
- Leonard Cohen

"Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say Im a dreamer,

but I'm not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one."
- Imagine - John Lennon

"I choose to suffer for those I care; I will sacrifice myself as long as you are there."
- Amy Kleer

"If of all words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are, "It might have been,"
More sad are these we daily see:
"It is, but hadn't ought to be."
- Francis Brett Hart

no rain

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watchin' the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
and speak my point of view
But it's not sane, It's not sane

I just want some one to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made

And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
ya don't like my point of view
ya think I'm insane
Its not sane......it's not sane.

devotion

the other day I watched the movie Braveheart. Im sure that you all have seen it, but if not its about a Scottsman named William Wallace who takes on the British army (in a nutshell). As I was watching it, I thought to myself, that is the kind of devotion that I want. Wallace took on the entire British army because they killed his wife. Can you imagine that kind of love?!?!

philosophy on life

My philosophy on life has changed. If you were to die tonight, what would people say about you at your funeral? I hope that people would say that I was a great friend, always willing to lend a hand, a best friend. But as of now, I think that people would say nice things just becuase that is what you do at a funeral, you say nice things about the deceased. However, I dont think that many of them would mean it. I know my mom and dad (if they are still alive) would be devistated, they would think that the world could not go on. Would anyone else feel the same way?!?!?

I have a friend who writes a "newsletter" every wednesday that is full of totally random crap that he thinks of during the week. The newsletter this week starts of "Hey everybody. These three things I know are true: itís never too late to start smoking, you canít spell phonics using phonics, and this is your Wednesday newsletter." Im sure that its not as funny to yall, but if you knew him, you would be laughing outloud. He continues with "These things make me feel badass: Sweeping a best of five series in paper, rock, scissors - Blaring rap music unnecessarily loud in a crowded parking lot - Verbally taunting a cop from the safety of my own vehicle - Sneaking a piece of meat into a Veggie pizza - Not smiling for pictures - Going through the EZ Tag when I donít have money to pay the toll"

"I was at the gas station the other day and while I was standing in line I heard the most outrageous thing in quite some time. The lady in front of me and her six year old daughter were buying lottery tickets. Now this wasnít the classiest lady youíve ever seen. She asked her daughter ì Now what is mommy going to buy when we hit the winning numbers?î The little girl tells the lady behind the counter, ìWeíre going to buy a house so we donít have to live in a trailer no more.î What a great lesson to teach your six year old
daughter that the road to home ownership goes through the Texas state lotto. I almost expected the girl to tell me how she picks the winning numbers. ì We choose 16 because thatís how old mommy was when she got pregnant with me, 7 because thatís the last grade mommy completed, 22 for the number of men who might be my daddy, 35 for the percentage of our food stamps we spend
on the lotto, and 4 for the number of foster homes I lived in while mommy was in rehab.î I felt bad because this girl has very little chance at succeeding in life. I almost slipped her a twenty and told her to put it in the bank so by the time sheís 15 and pregnant it will have earned enough interest to pay for the abortion. That will save tax payers money on her childís future drug problem and welfare needs. I think itís a progressive new way of dealing with social indigents. Give them twenty dollars now and save thousands in the future. I donít think I could get elected on this platform, but I might be able to win Texas and Mississippi."

I want to throw a surpirse party for no reason. I mean on someone's brithday they may not be expecting it, but they have their gaurd up just incase. Why does it have to be someone's birthday to throw a surprise party? Imagine how surprised your best friend would be if they showed up at their place of residence and "SURPRISE" and then everyone starts to party. Im gonna do it one of these days.... watch out!!

Better

you cannot imagine how much better I feel after that 2 mile run and taking my worries out on free weights.

I was not sure if I wanted to post this because I am embarrased of it, but I weighed myself today at the gym and I have lost 25 lbs, im down to 180. WHOOT!!

Ive come to the realization today as to why I dont try very many new things or try my "best" at things. I don't try because im affraid that if I do my best and don't succeed, then I have failed. If I do my best and still fail, then I am a failure and that is not acceptable. So I choose not to try and just settle with what I have. I also realized that I know alot about nothing. I can sit there and talk to anyone about anything and not look stupid, but I could not lead an argument on very many things. I think that that is a good thing, I can talk to anyone and still not look stupid, but everyone I talk to knows more about the subject than I do, which is frustrating.

I talked to Grant last night and he gave me some advice that I think I am gonna put into effect. He told me that he is absolutely in love with a girl right now, but it is not the right time so he chooses to do nothing about it. Instead he spends his time trying to occupy his mind with smart things like studying. After this summer, I will be working for my dad. The only way I will meet new people is either at school or church, and God knows that I am not extroverted enough to go up to someone and just talk to them, they have to come to me. This way I can focus on God, my school and my family, the important things in my life. Neither God nor my family has ever let me down, I need that stability in my life. Im not a big fan of change, but sometimes it needs to happen. I get into a comfort zone and dont like to go out of it. I am very conservative and personal. My dad said that I need to find a roommate so that I can get my apartment or duplex. Its gonna be really hard to find someone in Arlington that is willing to share a house with me since I dont know anyone there. Oh and the big kicker is that it has to be a guy. I HATE living with guys, they suck. They never clean and guys are so mean to each other. Girls are clean and friendly, I do better with girls.

As if Outkast was not being overplayed as is, their new song is on Fuse right now. Today it is not old yet, but I have seen the stupid video three times already in the 2 hours I have been awake.

Yesterday I had to be at work at 8 and the reason that I was supposed to be there was for a huge order, but the order was not until thursday, so guess what I am doing tom morning at 8. WORKING!!!! I know that if I wanted to, I could work at the Double Dave's in Fort Worth, but I am so tired of my job I dont want to keep working there. But I only need a job for the summer since I will be working for my dad this fall. I cannot afford to not have a job, my bills a month are dang close to a grand. BILLS SUCK!! I need to make more money.

What would the world be like if we did not have the technology that we do today? No computers, no TV, no phones. I would have loved to have lived back in the early 1920's. Before the stock market crashed. When people were polite to each other and you did not have to worry about the crime you do today. A simpler life is what I want. I also think it was very cool for every guy you see to be in a suit and a hat and look presentable. Women to be in dresses and leave something to the imagination. What happened to America? There is no respect anymore. People today take too many things for granted. Im sure that I do also, but I dont forget what my ancestors did for me. American Revolution, World War I and II, Vietnam, etc. They gave their lives so that we could be free today. The funny part is that we are not free, but that is another tangent that would take more space than I am alloted to write. Lindsay wanting to go to the Army has gotten me thinking alot lately. A while back I went and talked to an Air Force recruiter and did the interview deal. I did not think twice about it. But here I sit, telling you what is wrong with America, and what am I doing to help change it? I AM SITTING HERE!!!

im going running

Daniel

This weekend

Katie and two girlfriends are coming down to see me from baylor, yay!

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you to
save me too

Wrok

Today I worked 8-5 which I was not happy about to begin with. And then I get there and I have to work from 8-9 with the dickest manager we have. None of them usually bother with me bc to be honest I could manage if I wanted to, and I know what to do. Well this morning he starts off with his only caring about himself deal. Let me bring you up to speed on him. He claims to be a mormon and bases all his decisions upon his religion. I respect that, but I have come to the conclusion that it is all a cover up. Example 1) he will not go see the Passion of the Christ because it is rated R. Make any sense to you? it does not to me. He also will always ask for people to work a shift here or there for him, but is never willing to help out. He is the assistant manager that makes the schedules so he has the best and easiest shifts, and it appears to me that I am getting screwed every time I work. I mean I work 8-5 and he works 9-1 today? what kinda BS is that? Tuesdays are our busiest days of the week because we have two for one peproni rolls (misspelled on purpose). Well at 2 everyone leaves but myself and one driver. Guess what happened at 2, we got effing SLAMMED!! I was barely able to keep up with it. Our two busiest hours from the time I was there were 3-4 and 4-5, the times I was there alone. I am in a rut with my job and Im ready to be done with it.

I had one of the best weekends ever this past weekend. It was so refreshing to be out of this hell hole I live in. Well today my good weekend seemed like 10 years ago. Nothing could go my way. I am tired, I need to go running, but my feet hurt so bad that im not sure that im gonna go tonight, I have to find a home for my dog, blah blah blah etc etc etc. I wish everything would change for the better for me. I need a good friend when I get back to help me through the tough times that I deal with.

I am going to write something that I am very ashamed about, but I need to get it off my chest. I am sure that some of the people who read this (God knows how many that is) already now this about me. I suffer from really bad depression. I get into these spells where nothing matters and I dont give a shit about anything. I think that a spell is coming upon and I hate that. Im starting to see the signs such as I dont want to see anyone right now, I just wanna be alone, I dont care what happens to me. I just wanna lay here and think and spirl my life into more and more of a hell. Why do I do this to myself?!?!

I NEED OUT!!!!

trip back

Well tonight, against my best wishes, I had to drive back to College Station. I usually hate that drive, but tonight it was especially good. On my way to Arlington I got a speeding ticket and so on the way back here I went the speed limit the whole way. Its relaxing to not have to worry about whether or not there is a cop over that hill or not. I also had my doggie with me and she slept the whole way with her head rested on my thigh, she is the cutiest (sorry, I have not met Delilah yet ;)). I also was listening to some wonderful music ranging from Jack Johnson and Ben Harper to Counting Crows and even all the way to Coheed and Cambria. The drive still only took me about two and a half hours, which was just about the perfect amount of time.

This summer I am going on a road trip. I cannot decide where I want to go, Southern Cali or up North to New York and the bigger cities up there. I also have not told anyone yet, so consider yourself told heh. I need someone or someones to go with me, any takers???

This weekend was EXACTLY what I needed. I got to spend time with my momma and dad, two of my favorite people in the whole world. My mom is the cutiest ever, I hope my wife is just like her. We got to spend soo much time together this weekend, I forget about all my problems when I am with her. My brother brought his girlfriend with him this weekend, and on saturday night we went to my family old stomping grounds, Khaki's. While we were eating, my family reminisced upon past times that we had together. Although it was more a time to share funny stories about each other rather that good times, but I soo enjoyed it. We pretty much let Leslie know all the bad things about my family :) I can't wait til I bring my girl home and we get to let her in on our family stories. Leslie and I also were unpacking boxes in our den and we came across all of our family pictures. I started to hide them from her because some of them are really imbarrasing. One is of me in a wet suit when I was little and it was about 5 sizes too small and I was 10 sizes too big. My momma says it is one of her favorite pics, but I hate it. I dont know why i went upon that tangent but i did and you got to read it :)

On saturday night Lindsay, Lindsey and Grant and I went out. I know I already covered this, but on my way home I was thinking.... The four of us were in downtown Fort Worth, but none of us live there. Grant lives in Austin, Lindsey in Tyler, Lindsay in Mesquite(not really but close enough ;)) and I in College Station. I dont know why that is pertinent, but I thought it to be interesting.

Well I just looked over to my DVD shelf and guess what. About 5 are missing, guess how many days I was gone.... 5!!!!!! Damn roommates (I hate to cuss, but it really pisses me off). That is one of my pet peaves.

To leave you tonight, I think Daryl Worley says it best "I miss my friend"

Daniel

right here

Wherever you go,
Whatever you do,
I'll be right here waiting for you,
Whatever it takes,
or how my heart breaks,
I will be right here waiting for you

confused

Something I want so badly,
but i dont want to ruin it before it starts.
I could easily screw it up,
and have to deal with two broken hearts.
Should i say it now,
and hope for the best?
Or rather wait it out,
and become obsessed.
why can't it just be easy,
one simple question and all be well.
she would be mine,
my southern belle.

Simple Man

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?

Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Won't you do this for me son,
If you can?

Hoorah

Well tonight was one of the best in a really long time. I got go to out with Lindsay, Lindsey and Grant. We went to downtown Fort Worth and walked around til about 1215, and then we went to a park and sat on the swings and talked all night. I dont usually go out very much, but I really enjoyed tonight, it was exactly what I need. Hopefully we will do it again sometime soon.

Well the parents and I got out of Tyler and now are in Arlington (Whoot!!). Im not here for good until May 8th, but its close enough. I need to find a roommate bc this house, though it is not small by any means, is too small for momma and dad and lilly and myself.

My friend Lindsay wants to go to the Army. She does not think that I would be happy for her if she did, Lindsay I would I promise. However, I dont think she realized what she is leaving behind, and I am not going to mention anything, but there is alot here for her and i have only known her for a lil while, but selfishly, I would miss her dearly. BUT do what you need to do for you, as long as you write me all the time :)

Tom. we are going to LABC, the old Church, for the first time in about 2 years. The only thing that I am nervous about is that Lindsay Peters goes there and Im not sure if I am ready to see her again. We had a rough time there at the end. But I would love to see her family and introduce my new lil sis to them.

I forgot my phone charger in Bryan, and my phone is about to die, so i turned it off. What is someone needs to get ahold of me?? No one knows my new house phone number yet (817 557 3228) and it will be tom afternoon before i get a charger :(:( o well.

Grant is trying to send me the pics that we took tonight and we are having diffuculties. and I am tired, so if i dont get them soon, im going to bed.

Daniel

The Starting Line - Best of ME

"Best Of Me"

tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

here we lay again
on two separate beds
riding phone lines
to meet a familiar voice
and pictures drawn from memory
we reflect on miscommunication
and misunderstandings
and missing each other too
much to have had to let go

we turn our music down
and we whisper
say what your thinking right now
tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

jumping to conclusions
made me fall away from you
i'm so glad that the truth
has brought back together me and you

we're sitting on the ground
and we whisper
say what your thinking outloud

tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

we turn our music down
and we whisper
we're sitting on the ground
and we whisper
we turn our music down
we're sitting on the ground
and next time i'm in town
we will kiss girl
we will kiss girl

tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont
feeling that we cant
we're not ready to give up

we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

My Friends

My friends are so depressed
I feel the question
Of your loneliness
Confide..., 'cause I'll be on your side
You know I will, you know I will

X Girlfriend called me up
Alone and desperate
On the prison phone
They want... to give her 7 years
For being sad

I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely too
When you don't know yourself

My friends are so distressed
And standing on
The brink of emptiness
No words... I know of to express
This emptiness

I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely too
When you don't know yourself

Imagine me taught by tragedy
Release is peace
I heard a little girl
And what she said
Was something beautiful
To give... your love
No matter what

I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely too
When you don't know yourself

- RHCP

Is there anybody out there?

Two things tonight:

1) I'm not sure if anyone is reading this, and I'm not sure if I care, but I would like to know.

2) The President just got done talking to the nation about the 9/11 report. Im not so sure if there really is something wrong with America. I like George Bush, I think, however, his responses tonight to the questions from the news media where the same as he always gives; America is doing well, Iraq is free, Al Queda is losing, he did good with the situation at hand, etc. etc. etc. All that would be fine if it was the first time that i had heard it, but I hear it everytime he talks, and im starting to think that he does not know what he is doing, and that is more scary to me than Al Queda. Im not a democrat, i think that they are totally off basis, but maybe John Kerry could do good for the country. Im glad that the election is 7 months away because right now I have no idea who I would vote for. I do not know as much about Kerry as I would like to, but it would be very hard to do worse than i think Bush has done. someone change my mind.

I've added new movies to my DVD collection today (Kill Bill, Jackie Brown, School of Rock) I am going to watch them tonight to try to free my mind

was it worth it?

So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last days of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by when they're busy making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost barely enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door.

some people really piss me off

Her

I know she is out there somewhere,
and she knows I'm out here too.
I pray for her everyday,
and I hope she prays for me too.
Im not quite sure what she looks like,
but I know that it wont matter.
At last when we finally meet,
All my fears will scatter.
I cannot wait til that day comes,
When my waiting comes to an end.
We will meet and all will be well,
The day I meet my best friend.
We will be together forever,
No long will we be apart.
And nothing could ever happen to her,
Or else it would break my heart.

I dont care if my rhyms are cheesy or the "poem" is not that good. It is how i feel, and I want to be understood (one last one for good times:))

Daniel

new quote

well i finally found time to pick up my book again, so here are the new quotes for chapter 3 -
"It is no accident that the photographer becomes a photographer any more than the lion tamer becomes a lion tamer"
- Dorothea Lange
"But Moses said to God, 'Who am I that I should go to Pharoah and free the Israelites from Egypt?'"
- Exodus 3, 11

keeping you updated

Its Thursday and im sitting at home between my split shifts at work and im bored, so im gonna type in here.

Tomorrow im getting up early and driving to Tyler to see my family. It will be the last time that I go see them in Tyler, since next weekend they will be back in Arlington for good. I am gonna make my momma take me shopping because i need a nice new brown leather belt and i want a navy blue pin-striped sport coat. I already have planned what i want to wear on Easter Sunday, im a dork :-p The only problem that i have come accross is that i dont like to wear closed toed shoes, all i wear are flip-flops, but i dont think they are appropriate for Easter. O well, maybe ill have to get a new pair of shoes too :)

Next weekend im goin to Arlington to help my parents move into their new house. I cannot wait! Since im gonna live there for a lil while until i find an apt, im gonna start to haul some of my crap home. Im gonna be there from friday til monday evening, and im sure that during the day ill be busy helping them get stuff unloaded, but i want to go out at night, however i dont know anyone in arlington anymore. Maybe it will be a weekend with the family again, not a bad thing, i love my family.

My dad just called me and offered me a business that he is starting. It sounds as weird to me as you does to you, don't worry, it's not you. He is starting a company that is similar to his fundraising one, and he wants me to run the new branch. He said that he would own half, and i would own half, and eventually he would just let me have it. Im excited, i think im starting to see my adult life coming together.

My week was going badly until yesterday. I went running for quite some time and i got alot accomplished, and today im offered a company(?!!?!?), thats so awesome. I know most people say they want to be young forever, but i dont. I'm excited to settle down and have a family and provide for them. Most guys i know dont know what they want to name their kids, but i do. I want to name my daughter Sarah Danielle and im not sure about my son, but i like the name sarah, and one of my best friends of all time is named Danielle, similar to the Daniel in my name also :) A little explanation of the name Sarah. When I was born my parents thought that I was going to be a girl. My mom cross-stiched my brothers and my name with our birthdates and weights, and she had already made one with the name Sarah on it. I dont know why that is important to me, but it is, so there, ha :)

Well my friend Matt wants me to burn him some DVD's so im gonna do that before i have to go back to work.

Hope everyone has a good weekend if I dont talk to you before then.

Daniel

follow up

Well sunday night at about 1030 my phone rings and it is a guy named Tim, who i have never met, but who is Val's bf. He asks me if i have anything to say for myself, and im like no, and he said dont play stupid. Well when someone calls me and starts to antagonize me, i get really pissed really easy. I said Tim i have no idea what you are talking about. Apparently after Val left my house sat night, she called him and told him that i tried to rape her. I dont know how to take that, rape is such a harsh word and one that should not be thrown around. Needless to say I did not do anything to her, im proud to be a virgin and i dont like to put my self in situations where it could change. Im done drinking, im done hanging out with girls who have bf's (sorry). Its too hard for me to trust anyone right now. RAPE??????????? wtf?????? Im moving home early bc of this, which is probably good. My parents move the sat after easter, and im goin to help them move in and the friday before will be my last day at work. Its going to be hard to tell my manager bc he has always stood up for me, and he even called Tim (he and my manager are best friends) and told him that Val was lying, that i would never do anything like that. And now im gonna screw him over by telling him that my last day is in two weeks. I dont know honestly if they can find someone to fill my shoes. but i guess that is not for me to worry about.

I am soo upset tonight, when i went to the gym, i ran for 3 miles and did not just jog it, but i ran. im trying to relieve the stress as much as possible, but im having no luck. I just want to be home with my momma again. I dont care if i am a momma's boy, i miss her.

"Pull the trigger and the nightmare stops"

im against protesting but i dont know how to show it

so wow, i have not posted in a few days. I have been really busy. On thursday i went to austin for my dad and i had to drive from south austing to north back to south and then back to north thru austin traffic and i got really pissed bc i was in my bro's truck and he does not have a stereo, which blew.

I plyaed poker thursday night with the usual poker ppl and won about 5 bucks. not as good as last time (86 bucks) but o well, a win is a win right?

a few of the poker ppl came over to my house and we played dominoes until about 5 in the morning :( :( i was really tired. and then on friday i slept til 1 in the afternoon, which i dont like bc i feel like i wasted a day. I had to work at 5 that night til close (we close at midnight) and my manager was sick and i think im getting what he had. I have been really tired lately, o well.

today is saturday and i ended up managing for my manager this morning, my first management shift :):) which went pretty uneventful. My best friend Danielle was supposed to come down to CS to see a band and she was gonna hang out with me all day, but her mom ended up coming down so she did not come, so i worked again tonight for my manager. My second management shift for those we are counting :)

Im sitting here typing on my comp while Val (the girl i work with who i wanted for so long) is sitting next to me on my bed. I dont know exactly why im typing now, but I am so yeah. We are going to the chicken tonight to meet some more of her girl friends, which could be good :) I dunno though, i dont really want anything to happen bc im moving back towards dallas in a month or so. When Val got here she was pretty trashed and wants to drink with me, so in the past hour i have had about 8 dos equies and coronas mixed. Im pretty much under the influence, but i dont care tonight, its been along day.

Thats it for now, i have not read anymore in my book yet :( so i dont have a quote to make, but dont you worry, it will be here soon.

Ill ttyl
Daniel